There is nothing unusual or 'stand-worthy' of that.
The Dinner Experience
However, in standing for the Truth of the Single Mother Experience, I have to say that dinner becomes a feat in and of itself. Or perhaps, shall I say "de-feat"?
The picture that comes to mind when I write that is the well-known (depending on your age) Wide World of Sports opening video of the Thrill of Victory and Agony of Defeat. Perhaps since it is the height of the Winter Olympics, the pictures of these images from my childhood come to mind. I can even hear the announcers voice....
Ah, yes, back to Dinner. The shopping, the planning, the organization, the preparation, the feeding, the clean-up. They say it takes a village to raise a child...does that include making dinner, too??? So, what happens when there is no village? What happens when the meal extravaganza falls on one solo mom's shoulders? Day after day, week after week? You get the idea.
I'll tell you what happens: The Thrill of Victory is lost to the perceived Agony of Defeat. What do I mean by that?
The Thrill of Victory
The Thrill of Victory in the Dinner Competition for this single mother includes:
- Getting it prepared. Period. Bronze Medal.
- Getting it prepared prior to picking up Noah from After School. Silver Medal.
- Getting it prepared prior to AND having some sort of Green Vegetable included in the mix.
Tonight I would have won the Gold Medal. But I don't feel like celebrating. "Why?"
The Gold isn't such a high bar, it seems. But, the hurdles I have to get over, just to make it happen! Ugh! Talk about challenging - just getting to grocery story can be its own challenge.
I'm bored with my own whining.
Exploration
"What is deeper?" I ask myself. What is below this? Why not the Celebration of the Thrill of Victory when it happens???
Perhaps, as I explore, and get quiet....the truth will rise to the surface. (As with any busy mind-obsessed being, it takes time for this sort of thing to bubble up, from inside the body. We hide it so well. We tuck it so nicely behind the 'I've got it all handled' persona.)
What I am finding when I feel deeper is the Fear of the Perceived Agony of Defeat.
Now understand, I have never NOT served my son dinner. I have never left him hungry before bed. And I have never fed him McDonald's more than two meals in a row :-).
SO, WHAT am I so afraid of???? What is the source of this fear?
Best answer: THE PERCEIVED PRESSURE COOKER in the sky. The unwritten rules of Good Motherhood:
THOU SHALT:
- Prepare a home cooked, well-balanced meal every night by 6:00 p.m.
- Include a variety of healthy food options, fresh steamed veggies, brown rice, etc.
- Eat dinner at the dining room table (candles lit, of course).
- Enjoy stimulating dinner conversation.
- Clean up and be bathing child by 7:00 p.m.
This is my set-up for my Agony of Defeat....because, in truth, although I do get dinner on the table (or the floor)..... I FEEL defeated every night that I don't have the meal ready by 6. I FEEL defeated because I am setting up dinner in front of the TV again, and I FEEL defeated because, tonight for example, I am serving a hodge-podge of not-so-home-cooked Banquet Chicken Pies, Frozen Chicken Nuggets, left-over pasta, and a Corn/Edamame/Green Bean mixture.
Ug, the Truth is out....I really did say Banquet Chicken Pies, didn't I? (I cringe as I write those words.)
In the life of a Single Mother, and in this case, the Life of a Mother in general, the Pressure to Perform to some imagined image of a Mother is killing us.....destroying our Loving-Mother-Spirit, and taking away any pleasure we could glean from Our Own Personal Thrill of Victory.
Celebrating our own Victory
Some days, for a Single Mom, the Thrill of Victory is simply getting some kind of nutritious food in our child's mouth, however that looks. It's not the five-star ingredients or the white table cloth service. The Thrill of Victory is the LOVE in our hearts. The Thrill of Victory is overcoming the internal and external hurdles to make dinner happen. The Thrill of Victory is the one-day-at-a-time journey we are on to ACCEPT and be OK with the personal best that is US Right Now.
That is Gold Medal status. And THAT is worthy of Celebration.
Truth be told, when I was a kid, I loved Banquet chicken pies...and I still do. So does Noah.
Don't tell a soul, though. Promise? :-)
