The Illusion

Now, I don't quite know why I am so passionate about the Truth.

In fact, a lot of my close friends would say I have more of a fancy for illusion than the truth.

But the truth is, I do love the truth.  Problem is, I've bought the illusion - hook, line, and sinker - and it's really, really HARD to detox from a good illusion.

The Perfect Mother Illusion

I've been sold on the illusion many times...the illusion of the Perfect Mother.  (I've been sold on a lot of other illusions too, but for the purpose of this post, I'll stick with the Perfect Mother.)


Here's what happens when we buy the illusion:

1. We see the illusion.
2. We believe the illusion.
3. We compare our reality to the illusion.
4. We feel bad because our personal experience of our reality almost never measures up to the picture of the illusion.
5. We try harder, make ourselves better, and put more pressure on ourselves to perform to the standard "illusion".
6. We feel defeated because it never works.
7. We give up trying to be better and try to accept ourselves where we are.
8. We see the illusion.

And the cycle repeats itself.  Comparing my insides to your outsides.

In the case of the Single Mother, we are comparing OUR inner Single Mother Experience...to the outer experience of ALL mothers on the face of the planet.  And we end up feeling bad...sometimes really bad.

In fact, I don't even have to see the illusion.  Sometimes I simply have to imagine the illusion.

For example, I imagine that ALL MOTHERS have really clean and tidy homes.  I imagine that they ALL have ALL the dishes put away in the cabinets and ALL the clothing neatly folded and put in the dresser drawers.  I imagine that ALL toys are put away in some very organized fashion and that ALL the beds are made every morning.

The Reality

And then what happens?  I compare that to what I see when I look around my home:

- I see a cereal bowl turned upside down on the carpet from last night.
- I see the PILE of stuff to be filed on the make-shift computer desk.
- I see random papers and folders occupying a 6x4 square foot of space in the dining room waiting to be organized and filed.
- I see mail and receipts and papers on my foot stool.
- I see various 5-year-old playthings....sword, valentine heart, Nintendo DS attachments, etc.

Plus, I am very present to the fact that I heard the buzz of the dryer go off about two hours ago.  That means clothes are rapidly getting wrinkled....not part of my Perfect Mother image.


Ahhh, and so the cycle goes:

I'll TRY to clean up ALL the things I just mentioned after I'm finished with this blog because I CERTAINLY don't want to feel the shame of not being that illusioned PERFECT MOM.  BUT, because I still need to eat lunch, go to the post office, and walk (for the purpose of keeping up with the illusioned PERFECTLY FIT MOM)....I'll FAIL in my in my attempts to clean up the house.


I'll feel defeated and ONCE AGAIN try to accept the fact that I am a Single Mother with lots on her plate doing the best I can...


UNTIL.....the seduction of another ILLUSION...