The Truth

Today I went back to edit the First Stand.

Why? I got afraid to say how much Single Motherhood has taken "a toll" on me. Instead, I rewrote it to say it has been "a challenge" for me. Interesting? Yes.

The Good, The Great, and the Shiny
There seems to be a 'limit' in my belief system for how much truth the perceived reading public can take....or perhaps how much truth I am willing to reveal. Perhaps it is both. The collective movement "out there" tends to cherish the good, the great, and the shiny. If it isn't shiny, then we don't want to hear about it. If it doesn't fit with the 'illusioned image', then it doesn't exist.

I notice my anger around these collective limitations. I am angry because I have fallen into the collective trap - and stayed there. It's like an addictive urge to cover up....to make nice...to be acceptable...and to look good. Like an unwritten rule to obey: "Don't Tell the Truth of what is going on Inside." I have yet to discover if this is a Regional Collective (Pennsylvania Dutch) Rule of my parents generation....or a far greater collective rule. My body tells me it goes much farther and deeper than imagined.

The Truth
The Truth is that Single Motherhood takes a toll. The anxiety, the depression, the anger, the comparison, the self-pity. I have experienced it all. In addition to the anxiety, depression and anger is the FIGHT to NOT experience the anxiety, the depression, the anger, etc. Who wants to be a victim of such unpleasant and shameful feelings? Who wants to admit to struggling with these inner demons while, as a mother, You are 'Supposed To Be' enjoying the birth of your newborn...or the life of your toddler....or the growth of your teen?

Perhaps this pressure to experience Motherhood as Blissful is one reason why the experience of Single Motherhood feels so lonely. We are all suffering the same symptoms in silence....together....but alone.

The Truth is that the Single Mother experience is different from the traditional Married Mother experience. It has to be. It is utterly and profoundly different.

The Journey
And so, as we journey together on this road, I invite all inner experiences....all inner truths. NOT for the purpose of staying stuck in the "whoa is me" mentality, but for the purpose of airing the Truth, honoring the Truth, and accepting the Truth of the experience of Life As A Single Mother....as it is. And, for the purpose of moving forward. Wherever and whatever forward may mean to you.

Oh, and the one other edit I made toward the end of my First Stand....I added Standing for the "Victory".